Super Secret Stupidity
by Fearless Swan
Summary: An aging Secret Squirrel tries to get his name back in the headlines by nabbing Sly.


NOTE- Sly Cooper and related characters are property of Sucker Punch Entertainment. Secret Squirrel and related characters are property of Hanna-Barbera. Game Boy is property of Nintendo.  
  
SUPER SECRET STUPIDITY  
  
The last decade had not been a kind one for legendary crime-fighter Secret Squirrel. He had been dismissed from his post at the Super Secret Service after more than 30 years on the job. He and his pal Morocco Mole then started their own detective agency, but the duo had not had a case in months.  
  
The following chronicles this once-great hero's attempt at regaining his former glory.  
  
SECRET SQUIRREL'S OFFICE - 10:15 A.M.  
  
Secret Squirrel sat at his desk reading the newspaper and hoping this would be the day that the phone would finally ring with a big case.  
  
"Cooper still at large after raid on royal palace.", read the squirrel. "You know, Morocco.", he said to his friend, who sat in the corner of the office playing a Game Boy. "If we could bring this ring-tailed robber to justice, our phone would be ringing off the hook.", Secret said, blowing the dust off the telephone.  
  
"I don't know, Secret.", remarked the mole. "That Cooper is young and sneaky. No one's even come close to catching him.", Morocco continued.  
  
"That's only because the world's greatest crime-fighter has never tried.", said Secret Squirrel.  
  
"And who is that?", asked Morocco. "Why it's me, you fool.", Secret responded. "Oh, right.", said Morocco.  
  
PARIS, FRANCE - 2:30 P.M.  
  
Sly Cooper, fresh off a successful heist of the crown jewels of the People's Republic of Pacmanistan, lounged in front of the TV. He turned to the news channel to see what the press had to say about his exploits.  
  
"And in other stories," the reporter said "Super-sleuth Secret Squirrel vowed today to bring master thief Sly Cooper to justice. "This trouble-maker has pestered the police for years, but his reign of crime will soon end. Mark my word.", said the Squirrel.  
  
"Do you believe this guy?", Sly asked of Bentley. "You think he would have learned his lesson about Coopers after your dad led him on a wild goose chase across half of Europe.", said the turtle.  
  
"I bet the old fart doesn't even remember that encounter.", Sly said. "Still, I would watch out for the guy.", warned Bentley. "Because unlike your little girlfriend," he continued "This squirrel actually seems to have some crime-fighting skills." "Watch your mouth, bitch.", Cooper said in response to the insult of Carmelita.  
  
"Still, you may be right.", said Sly. "You can never be too careful."  
  
Three weeks later...  
  
CHICAGO, IL - 4:30 A.M.  
  
Sly Cooper had just completed another successful theft- a hit on the latest hideout of the notorious gangster bulldog Muggshot. The time in jail sure didn't make him any smarter, he thought, as he dashed out of the building.  
  
As he emerged, he was confronted by none other than Secret Squirrel and his faithful sidekick Morocco Mole. "Senile Squirrel?", he asked. "I thought you died years ago." "It looks like we've got a real comedian here.", remarked Secret.  
  
"Now put your paws up, scumbag.", ordered the squirrel as he pointed a television remote control at the head of the raccoon. "But, Secret-", said his sidekick. "Not now, Morocco.", snapped the squirrel.  
  
Sly Cooper laughed uncontrollably. "This is too much!", he said. "And to think, Bentley warned me about this guy's crimefighting skills.", he said.  
  
Sly's getaway van pulled up, and Sly entered, still laughing. "This isn't over, Cooper!", the squirrel shouted at the departing vehicle. "I think it is.", said Morocco. "Who asked you, dumbass?", Secret Squirrel said.  
  
"What's so funny?", Bentley asked of his friend. "That great detective Secret Squirrel just tried to arrest me with a TV remote!", responded the still-laughing raccoon. "You've got to be kidding me.", said Bentley, as the van sped out of Chicago. "I told you the guy was a has-been.", said Sly.  
  
THE END 


End file.
